Heart Transplant

A heart transplant by definition is a surgical procedure on patients with end-stage heart failure or severe coronary artery disease.

I feel like over these these past months that I've had a heart transplant.  My heart hurt more than I ever thought was humanly possible and still be able to wake up each day.

Some of the things I experienced were:

- denial
- abandonment
- pain
- anger
- sorrow
- envy
- fear
- betrayal
- loneliness
- rage
- dread
- vindictiveness
- loss
- resentment
- confusion
- anxiety
- inadequacy
- sadness
- helplessness

When I was praying during those first couple of months my prayer was always...Jesus, you are near to the brokenhearted...my heart is broken and ONLY YOU can heal it.....however YOU choose to heal it. I didn't want to avoid these emotions/feelings because they were real.  I wanted to truly walk through them and let the Lord do His work.  GOD is ABLE.

I began to pray for JOY to come. I began to thank the Lord for where He had me. I began to sing praises to Him even when I didn't think I would catch my next breath.  Over the next few months...I began to feel the Lord working in me and working on my heart.  It was a painful and still at times I'm taken back to those initial feelings of gut-wrenching pain...it's just now, I know that that is part of the refining process. Almost like a phantom pain. I'm amazed at where the Lord has me today.  I'm daily walking out this heart transplant.  Just like anyone who has to recover from a heart transplant there are things you should do to take care of yourself the same is true for me.  I know that I will be walking out my healing for a long time...but, I refuse to let this define me. Define my future. Yes, in a few months I will be considered a divorced woman but, that won't define me. I am a child of God. A daughter to the King of Kings.

The Lord has anointed me {Jesus} to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted...to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of JOY instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

Isaiah 61:1b-3a